New Privacy Policy – First Draft

 Wednesday March  Comments Off on New Privacy Policy – First Draft
Apr 302018

You know your “data”? Well, I’m simply not interested in holding it, storing it, sharing it, selling it, or anything else. But I have to provide a “Privacy Policy”, so here goes:-

If you want something of mine, ask me. I have better things to do than wrestle with “Mail Chimps” in order to pester you electronically.

If you email me, thus providing me with your email address, you can probably expect me to reply and Google with have whatever goes with that, as I use Google Mail. What they do with that, goodness only knows.  (I wouldn’t trust ’em further than I can throw them and I won’t be buying a “self-driving car”.)

If I make something for you, it stands to reason that I’ll have your measurements, email, telephone number and postal address. I need those in order to make whatever it is you’ve ordered and actually send it to you. I won’t be holding all that in some kind of new-fangled computer or “cloud-based” database because, frankly, I’m 50 and I can’t be arsed with all that shit. I have a “Book of Doom”, into which I write – yes, write! With a pen! An actual pen! – all the details of who you are and what you want.  Currently the Book of Doom is buried under a pile of fabric and habby on my work table.  Occasionally it goes out for a trip in my equally shambolic handbag.  Nobody in their right mind is going to rifle through that level of clutter to take a peek at your measurements.  Trust me on this.   At one stage I had a small card index with details of my customers, their measurements and what they ordered, mainly so I didn’t have to keep flipping back through old Books of Doom and also to make myself look like I had some sort of memory if a customer phoned up. I could then just flip to their card and say, “Oh, yes, you had the such and such in skybluepink, didn’t you?” and hopefully give the impression that I remembered them in great detail… I probably still have that index somewhere, provided it hasn’t been eaten by a puppy.

Nobody else gets to see any of that. The only other sentient beings here are either furred (in which case, all they want to do with anything is chew it, eat it or regurgitate it on my pillow at 2am), feathered (if it ain’t corn, it ain’t on their wavelength) or Spouse (it really needs to be philatelic or mechanical to interest him, although a funny cat video occasionally gets a reaction) so consider your privacy kept.

Oh, and if you ever want me to get rid of the “data”, then just ask and I’ll either burn it, feed it to the dog/cat or put it through the wash (happens on a regular basis with tissues and banknotes, so that won’t be any trouble) and it’s all gone.

Happy now?